Healing the hurts of the past is a huge challenge for men because we must face and acknowledge our sense of shame and guilt. In order to put abuse behind us and take others along with us involves two important processes:

1. The first is looking at genuine apologies, and 
2. The second is resignation from the Abuse Club.

However, a word of caution. Others may not be ready or prepared to hear or trust your wish to be different. Promises are only believed when they are actioned!

One of the questions men often ask is: ‘Now that I have changed, why don’t others get on with life, and forgive and forget?’ I invite you to take responsibility for earning the right to respect, and not be caught up in your own needs to have the situation settle down in a way that you want.

• Are you prepared to allow family members and others to proceed at their own pace, or do you want them to fit in with your pace?
• Will you exert pressure on them to forgive and forget, or are you prepared to live with their need to forgive and forget in their own time?

If you put the pressure on - like you did when you were being abusive - others will perceive you as not having changed and not having taken their needs into account.

Many men are trail-blazing a different lifestyle that is free of abusiveness and based on respect, trust and equality.

They are learning about the impact of the old rules about how men were supposed to be. They are questioning whether or not those old rules are helpful in developing caring and respectful relationships with others. Many men are ready to break with the traditions of the past. Many men are shaking off the old legacies that view men as bullies and pioneering a genuine, fresh and modern form of masculinity. Does this sound like you?