Healing the hurts of the past is a huge challenge for men because we must face and acknowledge our sense of shame and guilt. In order to put abuse behind us and take others along with us involves two important processes:
However, a word of caution. Others may not be ready or prepared to hear or trust your wish to be different. Promises are only believed when they are actioned!
One of the questions men often ask is: ‘Now that I have changed, why don’t others get on with life, and forgive and forget?’ I invite you to take responsibility for earning the right to respect, and not be caught up in your own needs to have the situation settle down in a way that you want.
Many men are trail-blazing a different lifestyle that is free of abusiveness and based on respect, trust and equality.
They are learning about the impact of the old rules about how men were supposed to be. They are questioning whether or not those old rules are helpful in developing caring and respectful relationships with others. Many men are ready to break with the traditions of the past. Many men are shaking off the old legacies that view men as bullies and pioneering a genuine, fresh and modern form of masculinity. Does this sound like you?
Ken McMaster (MSW Hons, CQSW, MANZASW) has a thirty year history working at the cutting edge of intervention work with men who are violent and who sexually abuse.
Suzi Hall (M.A. Psych) has a background of working in child protection and forensic interviewing of children with Child Youth and Family Services.
Matt Williams (BTcLn, NCALNE) has a 15 year history working within the social service and criminal justice sectors as a trainer and program developer.